#its the only thing that would fix me
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Transcript:
Machine... Can I try... R-rizzing you up?
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEEAASSE
*inhale*
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE ᴾᴸᴱᴬˢᴱ ᴾᴸᴱᴬˢᴱ PLEAEAEAEAEASE
End transcription
Audio Source
This was requested by @blazeball THANK YOU 🫡
Also this bit at the end is foreshadowing for tomorrows post ;)
Transcript:
*gasp* HE'S PULLING HIS COCK OUT.
#gabriel ultrakill#ultrakill#sorry for the next tags#i need him this desperate. every. day.#on his knees and everything#its the only thing that would fix me#sorry.#I normally post in the afternoon but. im .going insane today I need you guys to hear this#I’ll prob reblog later at the more usual time
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"if we make america worse and more of a dictatorship that will be even harder to unravel and make it the way we want the country to be, maybe then everyone will join our Glorious Revolution!" bb girl you cant even be in the same room with someone who thinks you should vote, how in tf do you think you're gonna unite people to fight in The Revolution with you? it's gonna be you and your 5 friends, i hate to break it to you.
#i dont think you realize how repelling you and your politics are to everyone else#you get all of your validation for how Smart You Are from your friends and ignore any kind of feedback that suggests you should#change or do something differently. thats the only reason you're so convinced average people will go along with you bc you keep getting#affirmation from the people who ALREADY agree with you- but you have NO IDEA how to bridge the gap between people who agree#with you and disagree with you. you're horrible at convincing people of your side of things outside of straight up guilt tripping them#or bullying them like a highschooler. im sorry but the tools you learned to survive with as a kid aren't gonna help you in this situation.#the ONLY THING you can come up with to bridge that gap is a bloody revolution. thats how bad you are at this.#and you're also so bad at this and unimaginative that you dont even realize how THAT might not even be enough.#you cant imagine ANY kind of avenue to getting people to change AT ALL outside of blood and fire. and thats why people call you#an authoritarian.#i'll be honest- i really do think the world would be a better place if we did incremental change under a democratic president who wont#set the world on fire vs the godkingemperor republican WHO WONT EVEN LISTEN TO YOU AT ALL EVER AND MIGHT KILL YOU#FOR PUTTING UP A STINK. idk if you noticed but if that evil fuck gets into office we are severely outnumbered if he gets police#n shit to go after his own citizens. letting trump win is making this battle so much harder than it needs to be.#you are choosing trying to fix the world while its exploding vs trying to fix it before it explodes at all.#what is this like a procrastination thing? you wanna wait till the last minute to try? idfgi. wtf is wrong with you#throwing minority lives away to prove a point. and then you try to tell me you care. gtfoh.#accelerationists should never be taken seriously.
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It's a time-honoured tradition- every time Sam comes across Izzy (and Ed) in their travels, he asks Izzy to marry him. And every time, Izzy turns him down.
At this point, Sam is asking more for the sake of it than any belief Izzy will ever say yes, a remnant of childhood dedication touched with 30 years of heartbreak and regret- though even now, a small part of him still holds out hope. Sam's promises have only got more extravagant over the years, from a job as his first mate, to a captaincy, a fleet at his command, a whole fucking island if that's what Izzy wants- but he knows it isn't though, not really. If Izzy was ever going to agree to marry him, to leave his life and go with Sam, it wouldn't be for anything Sam could offer him. Izzy never did care for flashy shows of wealth, for a ship or to be captain. The only thing that ever mattered to him was loyalty given, and loyalty shown in return.
It all comes to a head after Stede left and came back, after Izzy lost a toe, lost his leg. Sam hasn't seen him since before things with Ed started to really slide off the rails, before stress permanently set into the lines of Izzy’s face. So, when he sees a dishevelled man with a hoof for a leg in a no-name port, he doesn't even consider the idea that he might know him. It's only when he turns towards him, and Sam catches a glance at those oh too familiar tattoos, he realises this is Izzy, his Izzy, that stands before him.
Knowing Izzy's discomfort with pity, he doesn't treat him any differently than he would in years gone by, positioning himself in Izzy's line of sight before approaching and sweeping him up into a bone crushing hug.
“Israel-goddamn-Hands!” he exclaims, as Izzy grumbles back a begrudging “Samuel-fucking-Bellamy”, a tradition almost as old as their friendship itself. Izzy might not hug him back, but he can’t keep the corner of his mouth from twitching, just for a second.
(If Sam holds Izzy a little tighter and a little longer than usual, well. That's his business)
By the time Sam lets go, most of the crew has appeared in the town square, drawn in by the commotion. They may have given Izzy his leg and welcomed him as one of them, but still there’s an underlying tension, with nobody quite ready to set aside everything that happened before the Kraken. Seeing him cosying up to an unknown man sets everyone on edge, unsure whether to come to their first mate’s aid, or to assume that they've been betrayed once again.
When Ed sees that the yelling was Sam, his hand goes tense where it's held in Stede's. He knows the routine, has seen it more times than he can count, but as he watches them part he realises that this is the first time in a long time he's unsure of what Izzy's response will be.
Knowing that something’s different, knowing that Izzy's feeling vulnerable already, Sam doesn't go for the same flashy proposal he’s been giving for years. He doesn't promise Izzy the world, he doesn't cause a scene (or, any more of a scene than he already has, anyway). He looks at the fractured man in front of him, takes his face in his hands, and says the exact same thing to him he said when they were little more than boys. “Israel, I have to ask you. I know what you'll say, but I have to try. Come with me. Marry me and sail away with me. I'll keep you safe”
And Izzy… hesitates. He glances over at Ed, at Stede, and says to Sam “...We’re staying in port for a week. Ask me again then”
That's the moment Sam knows there is something deeply, horribly, wrong. He's not just looking at an Izzy who got seriously injured in a fight and is struggling to cope, this is something so much bigger than that- and that Ed has something to do with it. Izzy wouldn't even be considering leaving if he didn't. Whether it was negligence or something more sinister, Sam doesn't yet know, but he intends to find out.
#i feel like the little paragraph about the crew is real clunky and out of place but i wanted some kind of establishment of where those#dynamics are at. its important that the crew is something for izzy to consider in his decision; but also that their relationship isnt so#solid he would stay for them alone; yknow?#im sorta aiming for a s2e5 era but like. early in those themes. he cant be all sorted yet i need him to be struggling#anyway this is part of a much larger scenario in my head that im never ever doing anything with but i wrote THIS bit in a daze in like. jun#and i got thinking about it again and i think?? it holds its own as a 'hey think about THIS' snippet. idk you decide#youre welcome to interpret this as solo bellhands but in my head it Has morphed into sam/izzy/ed/stede#because i cant not put edizzy in things any more. izzy has two hands#i also think the comedy potential of one of your boyfriends HATING your other boyfriend is gold. 10/10 dynamic#stede is mostly along for the ride in this but also i think they need him#aaaaand. the sam/ed bracket i think can only be closed in exceptional circumstances. i think they 'hate' each other too much#...which is WHY someones getting kidnapped!!! yay#anyway its all irrelevant because ill never write it out. i can do silly chill things but thatll require work#nyxtalks#ofmd#our flag means death#izzy hands#israel hands#sam bellamy#bellhands#i wanna also say. the general concept of repeated sam proposals has been floating around my head forever#it used to be a more silly thing like i referenced at the start but. s2 gave me angsty feelings i guess#i cant not have izzy have feelings for ed right now which inherently adds layers to Any bellhands scenarios i think.#but yeah. its a Classic Bellhands vibe for me. sam seeing izzy at sea or on shore and asking him to marry him (again)#i like to do this with jackie too. i think i just want that man to be obnoxiously desired#(theres also layers of my personal hornigold era lore built into this but i hope it holds up without u knowing it. tldr. sam lost izzy by#being an idiot n fumbling the bag. thats what matters. izzy went with ed and sams been trying to fix it ever since)#i probably should have readmore'd this but i didnt think it was Quite long enough. or had a good break point. sorry <3
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POOR GABRIEL MONTEZ! YOU NEVER SAW THIS COMING DID YOU? ALL YOU WANTED WAS POWER. SECURITY. SAFETY. & THATS EXACTLY WHAT YOU GOT! JUST IN EXCHANGE FOR YOUR BODY. LETS JUST HOPE NO ONE FUCKS THIS UP. LETS JUST HOPE YOU WONT HAVE TO CLEAN UP THE MESS.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#cw gore#jrwi suckening spoilers#jrwi suckening#jrwi gabriel#jrwi gabriel montez#LOOK FAMILIAR?hahahahahDONT WORRY#IM REUPLOADING THIS HERE BC i fixed up the drawing a lil. and also i wanted to add main tags#U WONT SEE ANY DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THISSUN N THE POST ON MY SIDEBLOG.i changed the image there too.HA!!!!!!!#ANYWAY.i rambled plenty about pain and gabe on my sideblog.SO LETS TALK ABT THE ART SHALL WE.ihad i very hard time getting the colors down#would u believe i nearly left this uncolored??FUCKED UP!! it was only a sketchhow did it end up like this. it was only a sketch...#BUT IM RLY GLAD I WENT W COLORING IT.this time i actually used the airbrush n pencil tools BUT i also have a handy dandy brush i made#its just the mspaint air brush tool. fucking LOVE THAT THING. but now its in fire alpaca and it can be slightly transparent.IT LOOKS SOGOOD#perfect for splatters and grime.i love you mspaint i love youuu.im also so happy w the blood here.i think i reached a shift last year#back when i made that genloss fanart something abt the way i draw blood finally CLICKED and im like OH. the inside must always be darker.#like i KNEW that already but it was like my hand itself finally had it click.i wonder what i will learn next?I LIKE THE ORGANS HERE TOO#not as veiny or thready as i usually draw em. but i think thats fine. not as WET as id like em to be but thats also fine.#i got the point across. the point ofc being WOW THIS IS GRUESOME AND PAINFUL AND TERRIBLE#I LOVE HIS EXPRESSION.i love pain and thinking abt pain. you lose yourself to it after enough time passes of just being in an ocean o agony#at one point its just too tiresome to scream or writhe. theres a point when the body accepts it.sometimes.atleast.#OHHH GABRIEL AS A CHARACTER DELIGHTS ME SO MUCH.he is a dog to me.a thing to serve others.I WISH I KNEW MORE#WHAT ELSE DID YOU WANT BOY?? SURE POWER AND SECURITY AND SAFETY ARE NICE.BUT DID YOU HAVE DREAMS? WANTS? PASSIONS?#WHAT WAS THE STORY BEHIND THAT TIGER TATTOO ON YOUR ARM?WHAT DO THE DOGTAGS SAY BOY?I WISH I COULD HAVE TEA W U#OHHH TO SIT DOWN WITH A CHARACTER AND JUST SPEAK TO THEM. AND YET. AND YET IN THE END ITS ALL TRAGEDY AND COMEDY#TRAGEDY AND COMEDY THAT IS SO SO PAINFULLY UNBALANCED. SIGH.#WHATEVER CMERE BOY YOURE BECOMING AN OC OF MINE NOW UR GONNA BE IN SPACE AND UR NAME IS GONNA BE VINEGAR#UR STILL GONNA BE SHIP OF THESEUSED THOUGH. OOOHHH GABRIEEELLL GABRIEL MONTEEEZZZ#HOW MANY PEOPLE WERE BUILT INTO YOU.HOW MANY DID YOU LOVE AND CHERISH.HOW MANY TATTOOS DO U RECOGNIZE ON UR NEW ARMS#WHAT WAS IT LIKE? ON THE NIGHT U WERE SIRED?WERE YOU EXCITED? DID YOU SEE YOUR BOSS' FACE?WHAT WAS THIS PROMOTION LIKE?
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(Sometimes, the best way to express your appreciation for a piece of work is by doing some House of Leaves-shit. This posts features unreality, click the link if you are confused, intrigued or both.)
Source for all images: videography of Marissa Marcel
-------- Sources for the poem: Wikipedia articles used: Sculpture, Carving, Public art, Stone sculpture, Pottery, Glossary of Pottery terms, Resist, Pygmalion (mythology), Galatea (Mythology), Agalmatophilia, History of the nude in art, Nude (art), Book of Genesis, Clay, Clay Tablet. Songs: The Doll People by Sofia Isella, The Moon Will Sing by The Crane Wives, Catharsis by AlicebanD and Metaphor by The Crane Wives. --------------
#this is VERY different from what i usually post I know. I considered making studies of the screenshots but then it would be too cohesive.#ambrosio#minksy#two of everything#two of every thing#half mermaid#marissa marcel#immortality game#immortality 2022#webweaving#poetry#immortality (2022)#okay ill drop the unreality stuff. PLEASE PLAY THIS GAME ITS SO FUCKING GOOD#im on my hands and knees begging. (i mean mind the content warnings youre not playing a witch in the alps/ref)#webweaving felt like the best way to distill the absolute insanity it wrought in me#i hope i didnt spoil it too much#i just couldnt resist#is this a poem? is this a playlist? Would I have made it a gifset if i had the skill?#And is it technically visiual art enough to post this on this blog and not my personal one?#damn is this a men's bathroom. Because im feeling like Duchamp#EDIT i tried to fix the crunchiness of the gif and had only partial success#gifs are hard how to the gifset makers do it?#anyhoo i did my best.
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Was nobody gonna warn me that I would fall a little bit in love with every character in Stardew
#I am literally following them around and getting excited like a little puppy its insane#I cant decide who I wanna marry I like all of them… I was a little torn between Sebastian and Harvey at first but now Alex is an#unexpected fav??? and I like Elliott and Sam theyre so goofy.. and I appreciate how down to earth Leah is#Emily is also quickly growing on me she feels like the valleys manic pixie dream girl to me. or at least Clint’s manic pixie dream girl#the only characters I don’t have much to say abt are Shane and maru.. Shane’s still a little mean to me like I know he warms up to u as#u get to know him but I’m not there yet.. and I’m just not all that interested in Maru sadly#it’s not just the marriage candidates its almost all the NPCs especially Granny Evelyn SHES SO NICE?? shes fun to talk to I love giving#her my best flowers.. I also like saying hi to Willy and Marnie they’re nice!!! I love Marnie’s smile it’s so cute#I’m also fond of gus after seeing Linus’ 2 heart event that was so sweet of him… mister gus I’ll give u my best ingredience……..#I’m too busy trying to finish the community centre and make money before I go around marrying anyone or building up friendship#so I haven’t had a lot of time to get to know everyone ;w; I’m trying to trigger the wizards heart events now that I’m at like 9 hearts#with him cuz I wanna be able to move my buildings around#I actually have 2 saves rn one on my brothers pc and one on iOS. but the one on iOS is cosmos file and it just playing as him as a character#not as myself and I think he would marry Alex. but my pc save is my personal file so I’m marrying Harvey#until my pen gets fixed I’ll be drawing at a snails pace pairing the stupid thing but Im making cosmo a ref definitely#I kinda wanna get to know Pam too.. she’s like rough around the edges but in a jaded way I wanna know what she’s like yk#stardew valley#puppy plays sdv#sdv#Stardew#yapping
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suddenly seized with the desire to write/draw a few short little scenes from the world after the events of You Can (Not) Redo (the uh. the yqy timeloop fanfiction. not the evangelion movie which i named it for) because it is, generally speaking, a happy ending, but also yqy is left deeply, deeply broken in ways that would be both fascinating and hilarious to explore
#ramblings#he's like a rescue dog with separation anxiety#sqq's sect relationships are going a lot better here and obv some of that is because The Misunderstanding is dealt with#but a lot of its also thats its hard to take his bitchiness at face value when he is tenderly fussing over yqy with fierce protectiveness#he is obviously and indisputably the only thing keeping everyone's favorite shixiong from falling the fuck apart#also in general its interesting to me to explore what sqq's cultivation would look like in aus where it didnt get fucked over so badly#though if i just wanted to explore THAT the sj ive written in the best position cultivation-wise would the one from the sy!wyz au#also crazy to think about the fact that yqy himself is also significantly stronger in this au than canon#he has been cultivating for LIFETIMES and can command xuan su without any drawbacks#and he is the most unhinged version of yqy i have. terrifying when you think about it!!#mannnnnn makes me think about the fact that i Almost wrote yqy attickwifing sqq in one of the loops oit of sheer desperation#but i ended up not doing that bc it might have fixed them actually. and also would have taken the genre of that fic in a very dif direction#but it compels me
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since ive already been pretty open about this and im not afraid to whack a hornets nest i'll go ahead and say it: if you were raising a kid in a pseudo-apocalyptic setting and then you found out that said kid was going to be the one to defeat the eldritch god that you have tried to defeat for half your lifetime and could never manage. that she was going to FACE that eldritch god it was prophesied. you would teach her how to defend herself and how to fight. like god i am not saying hero's trauma from it wasn't justified because i do think the twins took it too far but the initial process of training her makes so much more sense if you approach it at the angle of "this kid is going to do something we've been trying to do since we were twelve and couldn't manage and we might not even be there to help her so we have to make sure she doesn't die in the process" and not "we're going to make her fix our mistakes" it makes sense. goes along with lark's running theme of not being strong enough in the moments that matter and wanting to make sure nobody else ever feels as helpless as he did when walter was injured. goes along with sparrow desperately tempting fate with normal's name- not because normal was an accident, but because sparrow never wanted to lose even one kid to the doodler and it was a fervent, desperate wish to let normal get to be normal
#dndads#kasey rambles#sorry im feeling especially spiteful today#cause again i do think. the twins get the least amount of nuance from the fandom#tell me how yall were just fighting for glenn so hard and then you turn around and tell me that the twins are evil monsters skahsdkfhkdhsf#like idk. it makes sense to me!#if hero was supposed to fight the doodler but they dont know WHEN it would happen. theyd train her early#make sure it was a fight she could win#and thats also why shes NOT in the chosen one position anymore#she wanted to leave and now that she could reasonably defend herself should she be threatened. its fine!#if they really only wanted her to fix their mistakes she would not have been allowed to leave. lmao#again this isn't to say that she wasn't traumatized from the experience like.#i think the twins shouldve been honest with her and there shouldnt have been so much pressure#but i get why they felt the need to make sure she could handle herself in a fight so early on#also like. this kind of thing happens in so many post apocalyptic settings its not even uncommon#yall just dont see this world as being post apocalyptic and it shows LMAO
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Im watching so many gameplays of games i used to be into i miss how things used to be tbh 😭
#rambling#back when i had like one singular friend and we would just get crushes on characters like we were collecting pokemon#back when certain things hadnt happened and all was atleast somewhat good#id spend nights at his house and wed sneak snacks into his room so we could stay up all night together#9 long years with that guy#i still miss him; its only been about two years since we broke off our friendship but yk#idk if ill ever NOT miss him#but getting back into old fandoms feels nice and nostalgic#it makes me a little sad remembering i cant have wat i used to have anymore but the old crushes and the interest i had in these media#just feels nice#i used to have a crush on Sammy and Henry from BATIM and he used to crush on Boris and Bendy lolol#im watching a no commentary gameplay of it rn i miss it#SAMMY IS SO MENTALLY UNSTABLE IVE JUST ALWAYS BEEN THE I CAN FIX THEM TYPE WITH THESE CHARACTERS LMAO#maannnnn... sighhhhh#yvie-dreams-aloud-{🌬️}#delete later maybe
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powerful sorcerer with magical storm blood who can still magic and rend minds and transform people btw
#pannic button. dont read my thoughts. uhm. I Wish I Was Riding My Girlfriend On A Nice Vacation Somewhere Rn?#[SUCCESS] 'ok well you want her but our god can give u something better than the avernus aether twist. for your consideration'#can the absolute do this (GIVES HER A LITTLE KISS ON THE FOREHEAD AND HOLDS HER HAND AND ITS NICE) HMM???#anyways im at moonrise now after whatt feels like forever. a lot of the noncombat checks were fun with him though!! sorc/bard priveleges!!#halsin's big fuzzy owlbear ass is hard for everyone to maneauver around now EXCEPT for arque who can fly. why are you cracked dude#ok last thing. arque is my pretty princess who keeps getting in situations. goblin kidnapping caused by drinking weird juice.#omeluum's brainworm mulcher caused by more madness juice. the githyanki device. well arque drank mystery elixer by an undead guy aagain#and everyone APPROVED. everyone loves arquebait ou ha ha. he's literally fine hes the party guineapig his magic will fix it probablymaybe.#he moments later stuck his hand into a wet fleshy wall hole and got STUCK and panicked yanking his arm out. shadowheart told em#'hm. maybe do not do that.' arque does it again and has horrible mental visions again. BUT WAS HE HURT? no and now we know more!#SO GUYS...ITS OKAY..... if something happen to arque itll eitjer be fixed by his arcane abilities or its like fine if not. its just arque#(this is a whole thing about his implied character to me. but now i'm getting too into the ocs..point is i love that he can keep Doing This#anyways thats all for me im spamming my private twt but yapping in tags only here so i dont ruin public tags. arquelach 4ever btw#goodnight ill... be another week until i can continue seeinh what the fucjs up with ketheric thorm. crazy good voice on him btw#i would have more to say about him being a nice voiced old man but (gestures) (karlach) this is all i thinkabout#baldur's gate 3#i need an oc tag#arquelach
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Everyone posts about how Stardew Valley is a cozy LGBT+ inclusive game but NO ONE mentions the lack of a platonic option for the bachelors/bachelorettes. Which would be good for aspec people and also just more pleasant for many casual players I believe but that's not even the point. I just want to become best friends with everyone and not only does that require me dating everyone at once and feeling like a sleazebag because of it (ik the bad cutscene can be avoided but I know in my heart they'd be hurt if they knew) BUT it also means the women flirt with me!!!!! Constantly!!!!!!! It makes me sick to my stomach. Truly ruining the characters I liked
#this post is not that serious or meant to be an Analysis or a Discourse Post or a Hot Take or whatever#i just think the dating thing needs to be handled differently#i should be able to Not Date characters and still get 10 hearts with them#also ive never made it far enough in stardew valley to marry someone and this is the first time i could even date someone#and ive heard that the flirtatious comments dont stop once you're married which is. really awkward for me#i mean i could probably handle the guys flirting with me while im married but id hope being married would be an off switch for it#its just awkward to have ppl im not actually dating and only gave a bouquet to so i can be their friend be called my bf/gf when. they're Not#i seriously need to find some kind of mod to fix this once i finish getting all the girls up to ten hearts#i will deal with the stomach churning grossness of the flirting for a while so i can see everything#but then I'm DONE!!! I'm DONE!!!! I just want my friends back!!!!#maru and abigail and haley !!! my buds!!!#NOT emily shes scary and NOT leah because we just didn't click and DEFINITELY not penny because i fucking hate her#penny sucks. penny dni#but yeah the flirting feels gross because im gay and repulsed by women romantically/sexually#and even though i did open myself up to this by playing the game. because i dont want it it feels like its being forced on me#which makes it feel even WORSE than normal#and its like. not only do i feel like I'm stringing along these characters#but i feel like my friendship with my favourites is ruined :(
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Just when I think the day's going well, I crash a golf cart
#summer camp tag#ace is a mess#i do not have a drivers license and i havent even been behind the wheel in like 4 years since i stopped lessons cus of the pandemic#the day was going fine i got loads done didnt feel like i was irritating my director too bad#doing some paperwork for her and she says when im done well take the golf cart out while its not currently raining#im like ooh fun never been in a golf cart before i see the higher up staff in them im not gonna say no to chilling in a golf cart#i did not realise that meant i would be driving esp when she asked if id been in one before and i said no#she then asked if i could drive and i said not really thought that would be it#cus i was supposed to be studying for my theory before working towards my practical#but no she insists im driving and first off i gotta reverse outta this bay now at least i didnt have to think about gears#but i hate tryna figure out how to turn whilst in reverse in mess with my brain im not great with shape visualisation#we do all our stops its fine for the most part a lil too fast going down some of the hills#and some tight turns but my turns were always like that cus im too busy focusing on the most immediate thing#we get back i park fine and then shes like oh actually there are some more stops we can make so i reverse and turn back out#do our two stops with only minimal confusion about direction then as i go to park into the bay we came from#shes like oh actually park in the bay closest to the health centre and what i should have done was reversed and adjusted my angle#instead i drove directly into the supporting beam separating the two bays 🙃😭#i immediately turn the cart off and expect her to switch with me instead shes like laughing it off oh it was just a little bump it was fine#im like it was not that was a loud ass bang i feel so bad and then she lifts up the light cover i broke off saying its just a scratch#and i feel worse so pf course thats when the camp director comes out to check on the noise and i dont think ive ever worn a guiltier look#but theyre both laughing it off oh just having a little driving lesson :) and i am mortified#she gets back in the cart and shes still insisting that its fine and i should still park after that which i do with great trepidation#but there are no more problems and the lights still work but the cover does need fixing and i just oh my god#ive never crashed before never clipped or scratched a car so of course id crash the golf cart trying to park of all things 😭
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i think having breakfast at dennys would fix me but unfortunately like the only dennys in my town was shut down recently due to asbestos violations so i dont think thats gonna happen </3
#im not really a huge fan of eating out for breakfast but yknow in theory#feels like the kind of thing you only get away with if you're on vacation but ive never been on vacation before and im never going on one#Extremely funny that the company apparently wiped all mention of the local Asbestos Dennys Incident online but if u go to the old location#there's like hazard tape all around the building and 500 huge signs that say LOCATION PERMENANTLY CLOSED DUE TO ASBESTOS#like girl. nobody DOESNT know that they closed the asbestos dennys#but its a shame there's so few breakfast places here anyway. waffle house and ihop dont exist#once again i think having an american diner style breakfast would fix me. beautiful food beautiful culture#love pancakes and syrup and breakfast sasauges#txt
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Sometimes it feels soooo weird not being depressed anymore
#i was sad from some memories earlier this week and my urge was just to go take a sulk in my depression hole#because it was comfortable in there!#but its not there anymore. it got filled in. and part of me was sad because it felt safe in there#and the other part of me remembered how much time and effort it took to fill in#so it felt like i was just looking at the space where it used to be. like sure i could dig a little#make it comfortable. do whatever. maybe get some sleep in.#but it never stayed in one place so i would probably end up tripping because of it#i love digging literal holes. it actually helped me out of my depression because the more you dug the bigger the hole got so i could see#that i was making a physical difference#and then i could put plants and shit in there#i came up with literally a million different metaphors for what i was going through in therapy. it felt like if i worded it#just right this time then i would understand it. and if i understood it i could fix it.#it was like math put into a word problem#i think the one that was most complete for me was a polluted river that would clog and poison#that even if you cleared up one clog pieces would break up and stop up some new area#and in a way that felt kind of hopeless. in another way you now had so much further you were able to go until you got clogged#and each time you broke it up and took pieces out#the less there would be at the next one#and that really did help the logical side of me. helped me deal with the work i needed to keep doing.#but the emotional side always came back to the hole#because the thing about a really deep hole is that you only get light when the sun is perfectly over you#if at all#and noon is so very little of the day#but the shallower that hole gets#the more time you have in the light#and one day you get a full minute to see by#and another day you get a whole hour#and these are insane moments. for me realizing i was getting a whole hour of sun was one of the best days of my life#so yeah. sometimes i miss the dark and the cool dirt. but then i remember just how good being in that sun was for the first time#just being able to relax in it. not needing to take my quick breath for another 24 hours under. not having to rush to fill in the hole.
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sometimes i watch things and im like wow its probably a good thing i wasn't Into This in its prime and very unfortunately or fortunately the vampire diaries is That Thing. i usually really do not care for "love triangles" or whatever the 2010s interpretation of that was but also. this eats so hard ??? she walked in and they both took her arm i gasped in the lunch room people i really did :/
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#but i also respect elenas grind of just Never Thinking About It Actually#like she was w stefan and was like oh his brother is also in love w me? its ok i wont think about that actually none of my business#now she's kissed both of them and theyre both so clinically down bad for her its atrocious#and she's just like actually i'm going to actually think of anything else but this. as a treat to my psyche#and i get her i understand her.#its strangely giving angel/buffy/spike#only her pussy didn't make stefan evil he just decided to Do All That by himself#and i know theyre brothers but truly i think polyam would fix things#katherine can join in for fun why not#ANYWAY#em watches tvd
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desperately asking my body why i jsut got the most insane surge of being horny at 2 am. this cant be right man
#not like im Trying to go to sleep. but like. uagggggggggggghhhhhhhh now im THINKING aboutthings#theres like a list of things that would fix me. ive been thinking of tf today a bit. its Your fault (you know who you are) btw#something soemthing telegram stickers#anwyays#also thinking about fat as usual. being totally stuffed#i spent a significant amount of my day today being a little fuller than usual and my god. Ueagh (affectionate)#need to do it more i just feel weird walking around like that so i usually only do it when im home alone (is never home alone)#imgetting off topic though#need someone to fuck me or to let me fuck them because like#god#i just. hmgnnhjhtnbggnnghgghghrrgnghghrnnghhhmhmmgghgrgh#and yes: it can be kinky i literally dont give a fuck. hotter#send me asks or dms or something idfk just say things to me#lycan rambles
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